The past few days my body is trying to make up for lost time. Like a freight train storming through my peaceful park I am struck with symptom overload. It isn’t lack of sleep or lack of exercise. I exercise daily no matter how weak or tired I am. It is heavy eyes, ten pound head, listlessness against my natural will. It was a battle all day to stay in tune with my children and sincerely care about the things that delighted their hearts. I had to choose to ignore my overwhelming weariness and come along side my tender hearted four year old daughter. As she built her puzzle and colored and longed for my undivided attention I battled to give her my all. Each child needs me in so many ways and yet all I want to do is crawl back into bed and stay there until this place is peaceful again.
Oh, but loving and teaching and molding four little souls takes more than I have to offer. I can’t wait until my circumstances bring peace for me to find inner peace and strength. I am desperate now! I open His love letter of peace to my soul and there He whispers His loving kindness to me.
“My love for you is extravagant, it reaches to the heavens and my faithfulness reaches to the clouds. I know what you are going through and I will preserve you. I know you want to crawl in bed and stay there but that won’t make your day go better.”
So I place myself beside my Savior and my head rests on his chest, like John the disciple who referred to himself as “he whom Jesus loved”. Yes, I rest upon Him intimately and receive His words of life and I see life through His light. He is light and shines in the darkness. In my darkness He shines bright.
How precious are His thoughts towards me and towards you. He alone satisfies. He gives from the river of pleasures and He delights to lavish us with His love. We have to choose to see His blessings pouring out. They are here. The sweet voices, the cuddles on the couch, the warm and then cool spring day, the birds soaring and singing sweet melodies, the richness of the violin lifting your heart with its melodies. There is so much to enjoy today as we enjoy Him.
Father, help us to enjoy you today. Help us to curl up in your daddy lap and rest in your arms and then grab your hand for a dance in the day. It’s beautiful in this broken place. Help us to see the beauty. Help us to see you today! In Jesus name, amen!
(Meditation: Psalm 36)