The prowling lion is waiting to pounce. He waits until you are passive, unaware, unguarded. He waits to destroy by doubt, by fear, by bitterness. He questions your motives, your validity, your values. He causes pain and then makes you feel as though you had caused it. He questions your belief in the Father and your Father proves His faithfulness in you as you trudge through the depths of darkness like Job and Joseph, betrayed by family and friends, in one day their entire world turned upside down. They were torn down to be rebuilt grander and more glorious than could have been imagined.
How difficult life can be when we have been hurt, when we’ve been struggling physically and we get a diagnosis instead of a cure, when family or friends have cut us deeper than any sword could yield, when life seems so unfair.
Mother’s Day was blessed by love and tenderness but haunted by the diagnosis I faced last May. It wasn’t so bad when I found out. I handled it really well; no tears, no emotional breakdowns. It took me a while to come to that place of broken reality. It’s just knowing that was the beginning of the darkness that would overshadow every decision I would make for the rest of my life. Just knowing it was the one year anniversary threw me for a spin, crying out for reality, reality, reality, what will I see? What will I believe? Who will I be and Who will I believe?
In my quietness away from the blog I have been pondering Job and Joseph, the brave, the gracious, the restored. I pondered the reality that Joseph chose to see God when bitterness and hatred could have run his power given soul. He chose grace. He chose to see God’s purpose in horrible circumstances. “But as for you, you meant evil against me; God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.” Gen. 50:20 He calmed his brothers fears and comforted them. He became the means for their physical salvation and sustenance. Redemption. He let God use his sorrow, pain, and physical trials for redemption and beauty!
The enemy is seeking to overwhelm us in darkness but with the Father of lights (James 1:17) there is no darkness (1 Jn 1:5). He quenches the darkness with His radiant light! With the God-Who-Sees (Gen. 16:13) there is always redemption. What He allows, He uses for good! Wait. Wait on Him and let Him show you. As Joshua would not depart from the tabernacle and Moses enjoyed face to face communion with God, go to His presence. (Ex. 33:11) Even in the moment draw your mind back to Him, His Spirit’s speaking, filling, enabling.
“Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s spirit is right along side helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good. God knew what he was doing from the very beginning.” Romans 8:26-29a MSG
Dear one, He still has you in His hand. In the searing pain, the damaged heart, the weary body, the diagnosis, He has you. He has known you from the beginning and loves you and is ready to meet you, face to face, breathing, speaking life into your soul. Go to that quiet place. Dwell in Him and enjoy the flooding of His light into your darkness. Darkness, no more.