Twelve years of strange symptoms coming and going, undiagnosed numbness, irritating swelling that seemed to be allergy related and yet gone only with extreme doses of steroids all came to a head two years ago this coming week. Two years ago on Mother’s day, the morning started out amazingly blessed with home made breakfast by my hubby and hand crafted gifts from my children’s tender hearts. As we returned home from church, we took a family picture and entered the house. I felt it in my foot first, that swelling feeling. I knew THAT feeling. The one I attributed to allergies. I dismissed it to enjoy my special day but as the day lingered, the feeling increased and the numbing began moving up my legs and hindered my ability to walk. I had felt this before. It would all be okay. I figured we’d make a run to Urgent Care later if need be but nothing was going to interfere with my Mother’s Day. We went out for dinner that evening and I had to hold onto the stroller for proper balance. The symptoms were increasing. By the middle of the night potty break I could not walk to the bathroom without stumbling. I had to hold the wall the whole way. I knew there was something seriously wrong. Maybe, it was a pressed nerve. A visit to the chiropractor was in order. The next morning my honey drove me forty five minutes to our trusted chiropractor. He looked at me and warned me, “If this doesn’t go away with this adjustment, you need to go to ER”. I already knew it in my head and heart. We waited through the night. The next morning I HAD to go to ER. My husband had to go back to work. Daddy came and took me to ER. They took me in right away for fear it was guillain-barré syndrome. That illness could cause immediate paralysis. The doctor on call immediately called the local Neurologist. He knew I had M.S. and immediately called for an MRI. After a few hours of waiting, the doctor was even more confident of my diagnosis and ordered a spinal tap to do a final confirmation. The diagnosis-Aggressive Multiple Sclerosis.
It wasn’t a smack in the face. It was kind of a surreal reality. I didn’t cry or become over taken by it. As flashes of a picture of a bed ridden daughter of someone I knew came into my mind, I knew it was going to be okay. I knew the Father was going to carry me. I-just-knew-it.
I was admitted into the hospital for four days while my homeschooled kids were cared for by sweet loved ones. I floated through those days of IV’d Steroids flowing through my veins and injections of interferons stuck into my stomach fat. I walked those hallways regaining my strength each day and laughed like I’d known the diagnosis for years. The nurses couldn’t believe that I’d just found out and wasn’t down in the dumps. Only God. It was only the Father carrying me and filling me with supernatural joy.
Numbness still hindered feeling from hips down but I was gaining the ability to move. After being released from the hospital and delving into life in a two story house with four children ages seven, five, three and one it all hit me like a ton of bricks. I could barely roll out of my bed. It was at that moment when reality struck me, “What if I never fully gain the ability to walk and do normal, day to day tasks again?” “What if?” I lay there heaving tears of pain and sorrow. What if?
I will continue my story in the next entry. Stay tuned or subscribe to my feed so you get it in your email.
Today, as I celebrate Mother’s Day with my beautiful babies and amazing husband, I have to choose not to let my diagnosis anniversary haunt me or hinder me but to celebrate in the life lived strong these past two years. The weakness I have experienced has increased the Father’s strength in me! I leave with you the verses that have become some of my life verses.
“And He said to me, ‘My Grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore, most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore, I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
HE IS MY STRENGTH!