Going to the “What If’s”

As I lay in bed that day, the numbness making it hard for me to exit the bed and fear banging at the doors of my mind I had to make a choice. Would I let the fear of the unknown take over my life? The Father reminded me that when I go down the road of “What If’s” I can’t see Him there. I can’t see how He works it out and how He shows Himself faithful. It is a skewed look into the future; therefore, there is really no reason to go there. I had to take life one day at a time.

And so we did. Together, my husband and I, my children and beloved family and friends, we took it one day at a time. The injections of medicine, the slow process of regaining the ability to walk unassisted, the IV’s of steroids, the emotional roller coasters; we had to take them one day at a time. I would be emotionally stable one minute and then overwhelmed and ready to break the next. My weaned one year old would sometimes wake up at night  and I wanted to be the one to tend to him and so I did. Walker and all, I would lean along side his crib to stabilize my body, I’d pick him up and very carefully get myself to the rocking chair to rock my baby boy. In the morning, when it was time to go downstairs I would sit on my butt, holding my baby tight and I would scoot down the stair way. It wasn’t an option to have someone else do it. I needed to be ABLE to do it. I HAD to fight for it.

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear….” 

Fear is not an option if we want to thrive. And thriving is what we want! We have to choose the place of refuge. The place of His presence in the here and now!

 

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