Drip, drip, dripping slowly into my veins the steroids flowed into my body lessening the inflammation and allowing greater transmission of nerve function from brain through my entire body. These corticosteroids usually lesson the attack on the body and in turn lesson the damage to the body; however, there still comes some damage with these laboratory made meds. There is the phycotic mother and wife A.K.A. “She Hulk”, as my children call “her” that comes out with steroid use and well….if Mama isn’t well guarded then the effects on her family can be devastataing! Oh, I warned the whole family of my struggles and they walked through it with me with utmost patience and understanding. When I warned the kids about the possibilties of craziness with the steroids they were afraid “She Hulk” would bust out at any moment. “She” didn’t bust out all the time but I was definitely very edgy. And then there are the risks; bone density problems, risk of infection, weight gain, fluid retention, blah, blah, blah….so much more. I am incredibly thankful for the steroids but it is still so very important to remain on a anti-inflammatory diet and supplements and Juice Plus. So very important.
As I sat on my cushy, leather couch and the I.V’s dripped slowly into me I realized deeper truths. What I have dripping into my life will help me or hurt me, fill me up or drain me. It is this slow drip of life choices, friends we hang out with, shows or movies we watch, music we listen to, books we read and every little choice we make gives life or takes it away. Where are we drawing life from? What woos us every day? Does it woo me away from God and truth or does it draw me nearer to Him?
I want to be like the Happy Man who delights in God’s word spoken of in the first chapter of Psalms. He meditates on it day and night. He is like a tree “planted by rivers of water, That brings forth fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither; and whatever he does shall prosper.” This man is grounded deep and strong. It doesn’t matter what life brings to this man. He is grounded sure and steadfast and will remain strong. That “Happy Woman” does the same thing. Truth be told, we have a choice today and the choice will prepare us for tomorrow.
It was Watchman Nee who had filled his mind so much with God’s word that when imprisoned for his faith (for going against the Chinese government ordained Church) that for a great many years stood firm. He spent twenty years in prison, was beaten, and greatly mistreated, yet stood firm to the end. His final letter to his sister said this,
“Nothing hurts so much as disatisfaction with our circumstances. We all start from rest, but there is another rest which we discover when we learn from Jesus how to say, ‘I thank you, Father, for it seemed good to Thee.’ God knows what He is doing and there is nothing accidental in the life of the believer. Nothing but good can come to those who are wholly His. To what are we committed? Not to Christian work, but to the will of God, to be and to do whatever He pleases. The path of every Christian has been marked out by God. If at the close of a life we can say with Paul, ‘I have finished my course,’ then we are blessed indeed. The Old Testament saints served their own generation and passed on. Men go, but the Lord remains. God Himself takes away His workers, but He gives others. Our work suffers, but never His. He is still God.” (“Heroes of Faith, Watchman Nee, Man of Suffering”)
How precious are God’s thoughts toward you and me. May our thoughts be cast upward to the One who loves us so dearly and truly, the only true Faithful One. May we seek Him today that tomorrow we will be found standing firm.