There is an ugly lump in my throat as of late. I have so much to pencil down or type out, so much to belch out at the Father and a longing to commune with the Father but I have found myself gagged. Gagged by frustration of my present physical state. Gagged by my ignorance of the big picture.
It’s been so long since I have had to use my walker that my sweet four year old son and darling six year old daughter have no recollection of me using it. He was only one year old when I was diagnosed and she was only three. They don’t get it. He especially doesn’t grasp this ugly reality that I walk through. With the walker sitting in the middle of the kitchen so I can sit when my legs are too tired to stand, he asks in his deep, raspy voice, “Mommy, are you sick?” ***Tears***
My silence or stutter for the correct answer was left hanging. Yes? No? Well….. yes and no. I don’t think I was able to whisper an answer although a thousand words came rushing to my mind. He has never been able to understand why I can only have him sit on my lap for “so long” before I experience pain. He thinks all mommies experience fatigue like I do. He just doesn’t know any better. He doesn’t start thinking of my health when he is fourteen or twenty-four or any years down the road. He trusts for today that I will be here, well and strong enough to be everything I am today. He trusts so simply.
And I, well, I am learning to trust the Trustworthy One and I am learning to grab hold of every truth I know about this amazing Creator God who loves me so much that He would give His life for me. He created the deep, purple lavender and the roar of waves crashing and the hovering hummingbird. My God created these things that you and I can enjoy them. He created the snowflakes diverse and He created each one of us unique. Without the fall of man, I am sure we would be breath taking and yet…..we are breath taking. He breathes His breath of life in us. God made us miracles. His artistry is beyond any skilled artist on the earth. He fills me with breath and then awes me breathless, silent. So, if He loves me enough to create all these wonders and He loves me enough to save me so I can be with Him forever, can I trust Him with my temporary body on this fallen planet? Can I yield my plans and expectations in life and allow Him to fill me with joy in the midst of pain and weakness? I can! I can! I can! I can trust the One True God. He has a new body He is preparing for me and He has one prepared for you! This life is not the end all, be all! Hallelujah for that. In this we have hope! Heaven!
Hebrews 11:15 speaks of Abraham and his family, “But now they desire a better, that is, a heavenly country. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared a city for them.”
We seek a heavenly country. When all the world is swept away, we can say, “It is well with my soul.”, because dear friends, as long as Jesus is our love and our aim is to be with Him, our soul is well indeed. We are redeemed, His own special people, chosen, and deeply, passionately loved. He is all we need.
Here is the story of Horatio Spafford, the man who penned the words to what became the hymn, “It is Well With My Soul”. This story and song has encouraged my heart so very much. I hope it encourages you too.
And here is the song, sung by Hillsong.
Seeking the Heavenly Country together,