I had a birthday this week. I turned twelve. Okay, maybe twenty five. Nope, I ACTUALLY turned thirty five. 🙂
I do not mourn over getting older. I have always enjoyed the idea of growing a bit older, more mature and understanding of life a little bit more each year (at least that is my plan). I am not scared of gaining a bit of grays or a head of gray but I must admit that after diagnosis, my perspective has changed about aging. You see, I often feel like a little old lady; fragile, weary, ready for rest. I look like a half way fit young woman but every time I act like one my body reminds me of the battle I face. It is not old age. It is damage and disease. I used to relish getting older. Now, I battle fear when I look at old age. I wonder how many good years I have. I wonder what my future holds. I wonder what the future looks like for my family because of my illness. I mourn over the “white picket fence” that I use to have planned.
When my thoughts wander I say with a pouty face, “but God?” and then I hear again the words in the scripture, “but God”.
Psalm 49:15, “But God will redeem my life from the grave; he will surely take me to himself.”
Psalm 73:26, “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
Romans 5:8, “But God demonstrates his own love for us while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
1 Corinthians 1:12, “But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.”
But God reminds me of His plans for me. His plans are still good. His plan is still abundant life! But God always redeems and He can still enable us to thrive!
Your circumstances don’t determine your joy.
Your circumstances don’t determine your peace.
Your circumstances don’t determine your outcome!
Oh, that we would grab hold of these truths.
It may be the child you long to conceive but have not, or the spouse you look for and has not been revealed, the job you think will solve your financial woes or the healing you keeping pleading for. It may be so many things but nothing, nothing can fill the void in our hearts but Jesus. He alone upholds the universe. He alone is our bread of life. He came that we may have abundant life. (John 6:35, John 10:10) His word doesn’t say, I have come that you may have what you want so that your life may be abundant. He says, ” I have come that they may have life and have it to the full.” He is our fullness. He is LIFE!
When we want to throw a tantrum and yell, “but God….” we can look at truth and say, “but God”. He is faithful even when we are not. He turns our mourning into dancing. He redeems all that is lost.
How are you struggling to see the “but God” in your life circumstances?