Weakness, Fear and Perseverance

Last summer our family was at a local lake splashing and swimming  and digging in the sand, having a blast. My hubby went to the car to get something after taking our youngest child to the restroom.  Our little J was four at the time and could not swim. I was in the water about 6 feet away from the shore. As he walked closer to the water I told him to get his life jacket. I turned around for a moment to check on the other three (two of whom could not swim). When I turned back around shortly after, my little J was not where I last saw him and his life jacket was still in its place. I frantically searched the water to see if he had waded in. All I could think of is he drowned. He must have kept walking towards me and he is under the water. My eyes darted here and there as fast as they could and I called out and called out his name with no reply. And then I saw him. He was about twenty feet away from our beach chairs, hanging out with the other family on this little beach.

My heart was pounding heavily and I tried to move but I couldn’t. All I could do was sink down into the water and cry. My body had experienced an intense amount of stress and I could not move my legs. I was stuck there. I cried and felt humiliated by the strangers watching me but I had nothing left. I was so thankful my baby was safe but my body was done. Jason came back just in time to hold me and help me back to shore.

It is incidents like this that cause me to realize the effect of sudden stress on my body. The reality with many of us battling M.S. is our bodies are temperature sensitive and many of us lose the ability to function when our body gets too warm. It causes a temporary exacerbation of symptoms. Stress does the same thing. Even excitement causes it in me.

Life has sudden stress doesn’t it? It happens. We can’t always prevent it.  Just knowing that causes fear to try to creep in.

Just the other night I was plagued by a horrible dream of my baby drowning. I could see him but I could not get to him. I kept kicking and swimming to him but I just couldn’t do it because my body was too stressed. What a horrible nightmare it was. Horrible.

What in the world do I do with this Lord? What do I do with the fear and frustrations? Do I shrink back and hide so I don’t have to face a possible disaster or exacerbation?

The enemy of our souls wants us to shrink back. Isn’t that what fear can often cause us to do? Even healthy fear, like that of fire, causes us to pull our hand back rather than put it in the flame. But what about fear that prevents us from fulfilling our purpose or living life fully?

Let’s say no! Let’s grab hold of the love of God and trust that He will help us in our time of need. Let’s use wisdom but let’s live life fully with every ounce we have, walking in the call He has on our lives.

The young girl in this video below is one example of pushing herself through incredible discomfort and pushing through fear. She may lose feeling in her legs but the feeling is horrendous and the revitalizing of the body often involves pain. I know this feeling. I know it. I have never pushed my body this hard since I was diagnosed but I know the feeling of my legs getting heavier and heavier so that I can’t lift them. I know the feeling of playing tennis and as my body heats up I begin to move like I have weights tied around my ankles. I know.  I have no desire to run far and hard like this young lady; however, she inspires me to push myself in the areas that God calls me to and allow Him to carry me and give me strength.  I pray you are inspired too.

I am praying for you.

Bread for your soul:

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.”


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