I received amazing news last month-My May MRI showed no progression. I am a year and a half without any progression. I am so very thankful for positive news and rejoice in them; however, my body does not feel symptom free or anything close to it and I feel like I am currently in a relapsed state.
“It is well with my soul. Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, Let this blest assurance control, that Christ has regarded my helpless estate, and that shed His own blood for my soul. It is well, It is well with my soul.”
Now, many of us know MSer’s have psuedo exacerbations of symptoms. The heat or stress can cause a psuedo exacerbation. It can cause a sudden walking issue, limb disfunctions, vision issues, any number of strange happenings. Those are short lived and once the temperature cools or the stressor is taken away, the body gets back to itself. I thought I was in a psuedo exacerbation a month ago and then maybe it was stress from the impending results of the MRI. Who doesn’t LOVE waiting for test resuslts? Nevertheless, it was neither. My symptoms have gotten worse and worse since my MRI. Now, we are considering the MRI to be a culprit. I just don’t know. It is always a guessing game as to the cause of decline.
The fatigue, I mean MS fatigue (grueling, beyond the healthy person’s tiredness or overworking, debilitating at times, comes on in an unexpected flash with little to no phsyical labor, it is not dependent on a horrible night of rest) has been plaguing me. I use hemp oil and Cedarwood on my feet and LDN to prevent disease progression and I sleep very good. Even if I manage to not wake up to empty my bladder once or twice, It is still difficult to rise in the morning and a flood of weariness will hit me like a ton of bricks. ###Pound#### I just have to close my eyes and rest. —Nothing else.
These legs of mine are feeling weak, achy, swollen and a whole host of yuckiness depending on how long I have been standing on them. I’ve been using my walker for longer walks for quite some time now but I am using my walker in the house again and we picked up an adjustable cane today. I was overcompensating with one leg and this morning I woke up with so much discomfort in the leg I was depending on that I could not walk on that leg. Oh. My. Goodness. The cane is going to assist me in balancing my weight and not depending on one side too much. The walker does that more comfortably but sometimes I do not want to walk around with the walker. Short spurts are with the cane.
I am weary with the trials but holding fast to what I know-God will give me strength and courage to face every day. This is my opportunity to draw nearer to the God I love and serve. This is my Hoo-rah for the summer months- Know Him more. I am drawing nearer to Him in reading, “The Knowledge of the Holy” by A.W. Tozer, “A Scientist Presents Evidence for Belief- The Language of God” by Francis S. Collins, “Anne of Green Gables” by Lucy Maud Montgomery and by His sweet word He has me slowly chewing on the book of Matthew.
What circumstances are you facing today? What trials are you trudging through? What weariness ails you? Turn your eyes to the Unchanging One. Seek to know Him more in the midst of your circumstances.
“When the Lord brought back the captives to Zion, we were like men restored to health. Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, ‘The Lord has done great things for them.’ The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.” Psalm 126: 1-3
We will have a day of redemption-Justice, healing, no more tears, no more pain, a day for all sorrow to end. He is our expectation and Hope and in the glimmer of our eyes, we will be with Him forever. Hallelujah. We are filled with joy, the Lord has done great things for us!