Traveling with M.S. is no easy feat. The months leading up to weeks and then like a rushing wind the days leading up to departure, fear creeps in and contemplation runs amok just trying to figure out exactly what to bring to aid in easing my burden. I never feel great knowing that I “have” to bring a device for assistance and I really dread the idea of others having to help me but its too hard for me to do it all by myself now. Talk about humbling!
I asked for all of my birthday money to go towards this September trip to the American Christian Counselor’s Conference. I volunteered so I could attend free and was gifted with a special discounted plane flight. The cherry on top was the gift of flying into Alabama and getting extra time with one of my dearest friend’s Joanna, a former Cali girl- turned Southern. As I prepared to come she lovingly reminded me that she just wants me comfortable and to bring whatever will be best for me. Sometimes I just need permission to do what is best for me and enables me to have more energy even when it is very humbling. Years ago, while I was on a two month, mild bed rest with my last baby, my darling Joanna pushed me around in a wheelchair so I could attend church or other functions that I didn’t want to miss out on. And then, right after my diagnosis when my legs were weak and I struggled with driving she drove me to stores all over kingdom come. She served me then and I was reminded that she would serve me well again. I yielded and decided to take my scooter. I am so thankful that I did. I am so thankful for her willingness to love me well.
The trip was physically exhausting but at every turn, wrapped in gold lining. The rich conversations, powerful worship, mental exercise and strengthening, love of the people and delicious fellowship were every bit a part of the gift God had for me. My babies were safe at home with my amazing husband who blessed me with this time away and I had no worry. My soul was awash with fresh springs and desires confirmed in my heart. I asked questions and received a plenitude of answers. Many of them I am praying through and some I will be sharing as the days go by.
What are you considering to let pass by you today because it seems like too much work?
It may be that Home Group-too vulnerable, too hard to push out of your comfort zone. Maybe it is giving yourself time away in quietness or time to do something you enjoy because you still do not think you are worth it. Maybe it is that friendship you are desiring but not so sure you want to take the time, be real with someone, or let someone know the real you. It may be pulling up a chair and playing a board game with your child even though you do not feel like it. It’s those small somethings that weave loving life imprints on the heart of your child. Maybe it is some Big Hairy Audacious Goal that seems so far fetched and scary to pursue, but you have it deep in your heart.
“A hero chooses to be courageous even when he feels inadequate.”
Gregg Jantz PHD
You are a hero. Please. Stop. Let that sink in. YOU ARE A HERO.
You are worth it. What ever the chasm you are steering away from, it is worth the effort to cross. Loving and being loved is worth it. Loving yourself enough to do what is good for you is worth it. Stepping out of your comfort zone is worth it. Let’s live fully today because tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone, not you, not me or our loved ones. And let’s remember that it is the seemingly minuscule moments of each day that make up a legacy. What Legacy do you want to live?