God’s Heart toward You

God’s heart has always been to be with you.

He does not need you. He freely chooses you.

His communion with Moses in the dry of the desert sun-tabernacle full of glory. Son of God come in the flesh, God in our very skin to walk among us, to be with us- tabernacle among us. 

His intimate covenant with you and me, His blood shed for you and me, was it for His own fulfillment? His only reason was LOVE. He chose us. He loved us enough to want us to have whole hearted devotion to Him. And when we are wholly connected to the Holy God we are holy. We are whole. We are complete.

“Because I live, you also will live”, Jesus said. “I have come that you may have life, life more abundant!”

When the Son went to the Father, He did not leave us alone. He sent our Counselor to be with us forever. Forever. With. Us. The Spirit of truth. 

He does not leave us as orphans. He welcomes us and calls us His own, special, royal, BELOVED.

He loves to be entwined with you. The Vine and branch melding together and bearing fruit. Do you glimpse the intimacy of the Father God with you? You are His. You are loved.

Write this on your hands. Write it on your walls. Dry erase marker it to your mirrors. Drill this in your head until the lies of the enemy fade away.
You are loved. And you are enough because you are His. 

Quiet Dancing

The words dance in my mind and urge me to dance with them onto these pages, on this blog. I have been fighting against the dance. Heavy eyes and weary body, I have resisted sitting and pouring out my heart here on this endless outreach. Even now, I feel like I have so much to write but I feel stifled, muffled, held back. I am aching to pour out the ointment God has been so faithful to pour over me.


In a world full of derision and anger, hostility and brokenness I keep hearing HOPE. “Hold Onto Hope”. The  family vacation isn’t my hope. The new home or the next plans for our family is not my hope. Jesus Christ the Righteous, He is my hope! In Him is refuge, fullness of joy, confidence. My mouth is full of His praise, because my life is perfect? My kids perfect? My marriage perfect? Not even close. I praise Him because He is perfect, perfectly loving and good, kind and patient with me knowing all of my imperfections and still loves me just the same. I hold onto hope that my friend “T” who is battling M.S. symptoms will fully regain her sight. I am believing it for life on earth and knowing it for eternity in heaven. HOPE. I am believing healing of my myelin sheath for this life and knowing it will come some day-HOPE.


When we walk through storms and we keep our eyes on the Light House we come out the other side of the storm with powerful proclamation of  victory and we shine for the next generation walking at our heels, listening to our words and watching our every move. They will see our falls but they will also see us rise up and keep pressing on toward the prize. Hope.

“Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, O God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your might to all who are to come.” Psalm 71: 18


I recently read this quote by Mark Batterson, “If your dream doesn’t scare you, your dream is too small.”


I am dreaming of big things. Things too big for me. Too big for someone with M.S. Too big for someone home educating four kids and fighting to do it well.  I am dreaming of BIG things, too big for me but NEVER TOO BIG FOR GOD. He is calling me, stirring my heart, calling me to a place of rest and renewal so that I can be poured out again. He. Will. Not. Forsake. Me. He will carry me into and through the lows and the highs, the storms, rains of refreshment, sunshine and desert. He will enable me to do what He has called me to do and I will know that it is not I who walked victoriously because of my might, no, it is all because of His might, His strong arms carrying me.

What is He calling you to do today, stirring up in you? What are the passions and dreams you have long suppressed? Rise up Dear One! He will carry you too.



The “Doing” that I am going to Keep Doing



The doctor was so very pleased with my progress and the “life choices” I have made to thrive that she told me “keep doing what you are doing”. If you didn’t see the update from my latest MRI you can read it here. In this blog I am going to share with you all of my not-so-secret tips.

The first decision I made to thrust me into thriving was to guard my mind.  I have been in the trenches and teetered on depression many times but choosing to stand on truth and to live each moment with a heart of thanksgiving enabled me to pull up and out victoriously. Journaling thanksgivings in the mundane moments and times of struggling and choosing to see the gifts in every day has helped me pull through. Thanksgiving has been a life source.

Second, I chose to keep moving. When  I could barely walk unassisted, I said, “Look I can walk!”. Then I said, “Look I can take these steps without assistance” and then I kept moving. I used a stair stepper exercise machine. I would hold onto the wall or couch to balance and I could barely do it for three minutes before I wanted to break into a tear stained mess but I did it and then I worked up to four minutes, then five and then up to nine. A friend blessed me with a stationary bike and I found that to be much easier on my legs. I pushed my body to pedal, pedal, pedal and then I would cool myself down with ice packs. I found a way so that I could keep moving. Each day I strengthened my legs more and more. Pilates was also a wonderful tool I utilized to get a low strain exercise. It has been four years and I am still riding the stationary bike, stretching and strengthening my core with Pilates and light free weights. With each relapse I recovered better because my legs and arms were stronger. Ice packs are vital to cooling my body so that I can keep functioning after a workout.

Third,  I changed my diet. I know this is a hard one for a lot of people. I get it. We had slowly purged sugar long before my diagnosis but this was a step towards being healthier. My diet at the time of diagnosis was far from antioxidant and phytonutrient rich. A month after diagnosis and much research we chose a diet that was 99% Vegan for the first year. We chose to go on the diet as a family because we knew it would help all of us and it sure did. Even the children got a good body cleanse. We flushed out toxins and filled ourselves with healthy, vitamin rich foods. Since that first year, we have incorporated fish into our diet once a week and we take fish oil pills daily. The DHA and EPA is so very important for the brain. The fats we eat are from nuts, seeds, avocados, coconut oil, and coconut milk. We still enjoy a good quality dairy free dark chocolate. We don’t feel like we are missing out. There are lots of great tasting foods in our diet.

Fourth, I began taking Low Dose Naltrexone last year. This medicine is a natural route  in the medicine world. I was really struggling last year. I was having issues with bowel movements (due to numbness), dependent on walker with a seat so I could sit if  I had to do anything in the kitchen for more than five minutes  and I was battling other issues causing hindrances to my day to day enjoyment of life. It took the right pharmacy making the medicine, a few months of regularly taking it and I began to regain my abilities and experience a calm in pain. I am beyond thankful for this medicine. I recommend McGuff Pharmacy in Santa Ana, CA. They deliver within a few days. This medicine is a God-send.  Check out the research! It was also recently approved for M.S. You can click here and here to read more info. on LDN.

Last and just as important as the rest of these are the supplements I take. I took Juice Plus consistently for three years and I value this product immensely. These capsules allowed me to flush my body and fill it with phytonutrients and antioxidants effectively without the expense, time and work of juicing. I have been off of it for about six months as I take some time to try some other products but I have a feeling we will go back to JP eventually.

Here is the bulk of  supplements I am currently taking: B12, Turmeric Curcumin, Fish Oil, Vitamin D (6K), Plexus Probio (it has probiotics and digestive enzymes in one), Plexus Bio Cleanse (Vitamin C, Magnesium, Sodium Bicarbonate and Bioflavenoid complex- this helps me have regular bowel movements. Pro Biotics seem to stop me up. Sorry if this is TMI.)

And the two supplements that I recently realized are helping me to have WAY less pain are Plexus Ease (New Zealand green lipped mussel powder, bromelain, serrapeptase, turmeric extract) and Plexus Nerve (Thiamin, riboflavin, niacin, vitamin B6, folic acid, Vitamin B12, Biotin, magnesium, zinc, copper and a mix of amino acids, horse chestnut  extract 20%, butcher’s  broom root and quercitin).  I did not realize they were working as well as they were until I got off of them for a few short weeks. I  suddenly remembered what pain I usually experience during these hot summer months. Oh my. My nerves began going nuts again. I went back to not being able to turn clothes right side out and turn socks the right way. Owie! My feet hurt just walking on the carpet and my nerves frazzled. I just got my newest shipment and now my nerves are on the mend.  I don’t ever want to go off of these products again! When I shared with Dr. Neurologist she was amazed at how much these natural products are helping me. She knows where my damage is and where I should be having issues. It isn’t that my issues are gone. It is that the pain, lack of control and so many repercussions  that come from my damage are not as severe due to the products I am using.

I also use Essential Oils to ease discomforts and promote healing. I may have to do a seperate post on oils that I love!   ;^)

I am beyond thankful for God’s guiding hand and His grace that upholds me daily.

“He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my steps. He has put a new song in my mouth-praise to our God!”Psalm 40:2-3


My Bleeding Heart Met the Healer


I was a young, teenage girl searching for the avenue to which my bleeding heart could be healed.  The gashes of Daddy moving away and being raised in a single parent home ran deep into my being. It didn’t matter that I knew I was loved and daddy wasn’t far and that I had him every other weekend and Wednesday and sometimes days during the week too. It was broken home that broke me. The wound was deep and it bled onto each boy I had a relationship with. I clung to each one as if he were my last hope. Hope. They never told me not to put my hope in a boy. He might crush you and you, you might be the one to crush him. My veins cried out for rest from this crazy wave of impulses and heartache. With one such situation I wanted to end it all. I didn’t want to keep moving forward with this life. Why did it matter anyway? This life? What was I here for? Would anyone really miss me?

Alcohol was already luring me. Just a swig could numb the pain. Just a swig here and there and I wouldn’t get caught. Just a cigarette here and there and mama wouldn’t know. Addiction was grabbing at me and I was slowly being pulled into its grasp. Escaping seemed easier than facing the pain. I wasn’t desperate or daring enough to do the job.

Friends and fun weren’t lacking but as I stood surrounded by a crowd of friends the loneliness hovered around me, the emptiness deep. I was still lacking to be known or really it was to know.  To know how much there really was to this life. To know the Giver of Life.

Religion wasn’t foreign to me and either was Jesus. I was raised in the Catholic church. I was involved in the youth group and loving it. I was a church going girl with a wild side and deep wounds. Because of my involvement in the church my sweet friend Crystal came to me with questions about heaven. I answered honestly. I didn’t know. I didn’t know how to get to heaven. I knew that I wanted to know.

And then I was invited to a Harvest Crusade by my best friend Cheree and her family. I borrowed her adorable clothes and dressed to the T to impress a much older boy who was going with us. I was going to impress and instead I was impressed upon by the Holy Spirit of Truth. I stayed in  my seat at the Angels Stadium but I was struck by the words from the Pastor’s mouth and there was no shaking this electricity flowing through my veins. The following week I went to church with my friend and I had to sit on my hands during service. I couldn’t wait to go forward and surrender my life to Christ. I couldn’t wait to receive His gift of love. I was overcome. I wept as I met my Healer. That day was the beginning of my healing.