The Immune Therapy is Working and Now I Have Proof!!!

I have had symptoms of Multiple Sclerosis since I was about twenty years old. I was diagnosed with what was said to be an “aggressive form” of M.S. The doctor did not give my husband and I a positive prognosis at all. His look into the future for us was husband caring for me and me living in a wheelchair.

Prior to Immune Therapy I had twenty lesions on my brain, Five lesions (some of them quite large) on my thoracic spine and  a  few other lesions on my cervical spine among other issues.

I have been taking the Immune Therapy Infeperium since July and now I have proof that it is working. I still have  twenty lesions on my brain but there has been no more progression of disease activity. 🙂 I still have some lesions on my spine but they are no longer getting worse. The radiologist wrote that “the previously depicted lesions shown within the thoracic spinal cord at the T4-T5 and T5-6 levels have diminished considerably in size and conspicuity.” He also wrote that “there is interval improvement in the appearance of the thoracic spinal cord at the T-5 through T-8 levels and stability of the intramedullary lesions at the lower levels specified.” He was also able to confirm the size  of the lesions on my cervical spine have “subsided considerably in size.”

The Immune Therapy is working!!!! I know I can tell a difference. I am actually  taking a break off the medicine for a little bit and although I still have much healing to experience I can tell I am doing MUCH better than I was prior to beginning this medicine. I am still driving, cooking meals, and still feel mentally better than I was prior to immune therapy.

I need to continue this treatment. I do not know how long I will need to remain on this medicine but I am beginning a GoFundMe account so I can continue taking this medicine. Hubby and I are able to contribute small amounts to the expense but this is not covered by insurance and is over and above the amount we pay for my insurance every month.  God has been faithful to provide for my family and I through “hurricanes and tornadoes” of life and He will continue to do so.

Thank you for believing with me and for me. Thank you for praying for us. Our kids and especially my husband walk this with me daily. They are soldiers in this fight too.

Love to you and yours,


Click here for the GoFundMe  link

To learn more about the treatment I am on visit:





Holding On and Climbing Up

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The darkness crept in and covered me. I was unaware it had attached itself, following me like a shadow. I concealed it well to those outside my home but it’s hard to keep it under wraps when you are easily irritated and anger bubbles from odd places of nowhere. I kept asking God, why, where? Was there sin in my heart that I was unaware?

It took studying the effects of this disease and the monstrous rubble of mess laying in the wake of the devastation caused by my very own immune system.   The M.S. brain, the soldier, the trafficked, the abandoned, the child of an alcoholic-we are all experiencing the effects of the damage that we would not have chosen, could not have chosen and we wonder what is wrong with me? Damage to the brain. In the sovereignty of God, He created our brains to heal, to restore, to transform. We do not have to be left in the darkness of this place. He presents Himself as our healer and His presence does not leave us alone in our darkness.

Some of us wounded are finding solace and healing in the clinics that Dr. Amen has created. The doctors are using brain scans and then helping the patients to experience massive amounts of healing and restoration via nutrition, counseling and other wonderful methods. Some are pursuing care via  professional counselors, therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists and allowing their brains to begin the healing process and changing how they process life to a healthier format.

I am now experiencing a slow reprieve of the darkness via an Immune Therapy. It is bringing a calm of the chaos within and the dark clouds are seeping away. I sigh a relief, a cheering expectation of continued healing. It will take time and I will to continue eating healthy, exercising and allowing the healing process but healing can and will come. I believe that.

My encouragement for you today is PLEASE DON’T GIVE UP! You may be experiencing the storm clouds hovering over you. You may not recognize the person you have become or may have never known the person God made you to be because you have been tainted by life’s traumatic circumstances  and from other people’s sin. There is hope for you today. There is healing ahead of you. I will not promise an easy process but healing is good and a gift.  God sees you and His plans for you are for good. He can restore the years that have been stolen away.

Genesis 16:13

“She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: ‘You are the God who sees me,’ for she said, ‘I have now seen the One who sees me.'”

Traveling With M.S. and Some Thoughts I am Brewing

From the flight, somewhere between Texas and Alabama.

Traveling with M.S. is no easy feat. The months leading up to weeks and then like a rushing wind the days leading up to departure, fear creeps in and contemplation runs amok just trying to figure out exactly what to bring to aid in easing my burden. I never feel great knowing that I “have” to bring a device for assistance and I really dread the idea of others having to help me but its too hard for me to do it all by myself now. Talk about humbling!

Speed Racer. 

I asked for all of my birthday money to go towards this September trip to the American Christian Counselor’s Conference. I volunteered so I could attend free and was gifted with a special discounted plane flight.  The cherry on top was the gift of flying into Alabama and getting extra time with one of my dearest friend’s Joanna, a former Cali girl- turned Southern.  As I prepared to come she lovingly reminded me that she just wants me comfortable and to bring whatever will be best for me. Sometimes I just need permission to do what is best for me and enables me to have more energy even when it is very humbling. Years ago, while I was on a two month, mild bed rest with my last baby, my darling Joanna pushed me around in a wheelchair so I could attend church or other functions that I didn’t want to miss out on.  And then, right after my diagnosis when my legs were weak and I struggled with driving she drove me to stores all over kingdom come. She served me then and I was reminded that she would serve me well again.  I yielded and decided to take my scooter.  I am so thankful that I did. I am so thankful for her willingness to love me well.

After a long day of traveling and two long years I got to squeeze my sweet Joanna. 

The trip was  physically exhausting but at every turn, wrapped in gold lining. The rich conversations, powerful worship, mental exercise and strengthening, love of the people and delicious fellowship were every bit a part of the gift God had for me. My babies were safe at home with my amazing husband who blessed me with this time away and I had no worry.  My soul was awash with fresh springs and desires confirmed in my heart. I asked questions and received a plenitude of answers. Many of them I am praying through and some I will be sharing as the days go by.

What are you considering to let pass by you today because it seems like too much work?

It may be that Home Group-too vulnerable, too hard to push out of your comfort zone. Maybe it is giving yourself time away in quietness or time to do something you enjoy  because you still do not think you are worth it. Maybe it is that friendship you are desiring but not so sure you want to take the time, be real with someone, or let someone know the real you. It may be pulling up a chair and playing a board game with your child even though you do not feel like it. It’s those small somethings that  weave loving life imprints on the heart of your child. Maybe it is some Big Hairy Audacious Goal that seems so far fetched and scary to  pursue, but you have it deep in your heart.

“A hero chooses to be courageous even when he feels inadequate.”

Gregg Jantz PHD

You are a hero. Please. Stop. Let that sink in. YOU ARE A HERO.

You are worth it. What ever the chasm you are steering away from, it is worth the effort to cross. Loving and being loved is worth it. Loving yourself enough to do what is good for you is worth it. Stepping out of your comfort zone is worth it. Let’s live fully today because tomorrow isn’t promised to  anyone, not you, not me or our loved ones. And let’s remember that it is the seemingly minuscule moments of each day that make up a legacy. What Legacy do you want to live?

Outside of the Opryland Hotel in Nashville, TN. 

God’s Heart toward You

God’s heart has always been to be with you.

He does not need you. He freely chooses you.

His communion with Moses in the dry of the desert sun-tabernacle full of glory. Son of God come in the flesh, God in our very skin to walk among us, to be with us- tabernacle among us. 

His intimate covenant with you and me, His blood shed for you and me, was it for His own fulfillment? His only reason was LOVE. He chose us. He loved us enough to want us to have whole hearted devotion to Him. And when we are wholly connected to the Holy God we are holy. We are whole. We are complete.

“Because I live, you also will live”, Jesus said. “I have come that you may have life, life more abundant!”

When the Son went to the Father, He did not leave us alone. He sent our Counselor to be with us forever. Forever. With. Us. The Spirit of truth. 

He does not leave us as orphans. He welcomes us and calls us His own, special, royal, BELOVED.

He loves to be entwined with you. The Vine and branch melding together and bearing fruit. Do you glimpse the intimacy of the Father God with you? You are His. You are loved.

Write this on your hands. Write it on your walls. Dry erase marker it to your mirrors. Drill this in your head until the lies of the enemy fade away.
You are loved. And you are enough because you are His. 

Life is Messy

Life is messy.

Messy can be beautiful can’t it? Sometimes it’s hard to see. The mini Picasso six year old painting is beautiful. Bright orange seaweed tangled in bright green algae=beautiful.  Messy people that love in the messes=beautiful.



My longing for order, for control, for keeping all things together can prevent me from experiencing the blessing waiting for me, the beauty waiting for me. The blessing doesn’t always come through wide, green pastures. It often comes through dark, narrow roads with a glimpse of light peeking through to guide. His tender hand guiding, directing through shadow filled badlands. Blessing comes through the messy.


Moses didn’t want to speak to the Pharaoh.  He could speak. He just didn’t feel himself adequate enough to do what God was calling him to do. “Who me? I can’t do that. Don’t you know my disability, my lack of ability?” We make excuses and miss His power enabling us to do what He asks us and prepared us to do in the midst of what He has allowed.    The expectation Moses placed on himself was not what God had placed on him, but his own fallen perception of God’s role in his calling.  Focusing on the messy causes us to miss the masterpiece He is making.

The Israelites were scared to take possession of the land God had promised. The land was EVERYTHING that God had promised but there were giants in the land and they chose to focus on the giants. They chose to allow fear to keep them from trusting God’s promise and the blessing in His provision. They focused on the messy and missed out on the beautiful.


God gives promises and sometimes we have to fight through opposition to fully enjoy the promise. Is it worth the fight? You bet it is.

There is always blessing and beauty on the other side.


Paralyzed and Hindered

I’ve been quiet on here lately and I’m sorry. It’s nothing against you. I write every day. It’s in the quiet thoughts of my soul, my heart drumming through fears, worries, joys and grace. I write in the recess of my mind all day. I just don’t make it to this black leather chair and this white screen. I long to write every day but most days I am paralyzed. Paralyzed by the depth of my own thoughts. Paralyzed by my own weakness. Hindered by the vastness of my mental ramblings.

Tonight, I will pound through the keys and let the Holy Spirit reveal a brick of weight and a crumb in the vastness of my soul. It’s waiting that is weighing. Waiting on news. Waiting for a second doctor to confirm a diagnosis and waiting even though I know the answer. My first diagnosis came so fast. I blinked and gave smiles in the ER. It wasn’t a brick. It was a feather, light and airy and I could see the presence of the Father so clear in that white, small, curtain enclosed room with my earthly daddy and then a few friends and then my husband. The four day stay was exhilarating and powerful and not a moment was lost with nurses and doctors and other patients. I look back and see the Holy Spirit indwelling and His power carrying me through a time that should have shook me.

Now the journey brings me sixteen months later to waiting. Waiting for this new neuro to confirm diagnosis. How could I be doing this good with my past history of “episodes” and how come I haven’t had any progress in my disease since my last MRI?Oh, I know how. My God-who-heals! My God who has guided my hand in the process of healing and my God who allows me to stay at this weak place physically and emotionally, so tied to Him that I only know His strength! Oh, doctor is stumped but my mind plays tricks on me as I wait. I wait for a spinal tap but really I wait to tap into the Life Giver, Peace Giver, Lover who never steers me wrong. Oh, I wait and the enemy tries to rob me of joy. The summer heat sucks my energy and the enemy robs me of peace. My guard has been down. My bed or a cave or anywhere I can curl up and sleep alone, just to be left alone sounds so enticing  and I realize it’s no where else but the Father’s lap I really want to be. There is no other sustaining place than His bent knee that I can rest my head.

Waiting was weighing but I lay it down to wait on Him. Rest my head upon His lap and wait in stillness. I’m waiting, Father, waiting…..

I take my eyes off of the weight and onto Him and I see He is still carrying me, keeping me, preserving me. Even as I fall asleep and life and worries and trials wait, He is still awake, not slumbering or sleeping. He is attentive and tender to my needs. He is fully acquainted with my thoughts before I am fully aware of them. His love washes over me with songs of sweet notes. I am alive again! I can face the waiting because I’m not waiting on doctor or results or what the world has to offer. I’m waiting in this resting place, waiting with expectant hope of my rescuer, my Sovereign Peace! He is here and that is enough for me! He is enough for me! He is enough!