I Have Been Believing Lies, Have you?

Last week was shadowed by darkness, heaviness pressing in, constricting and it was a battle to see the light. It was a battle to see how any good can come of my pain and discomforts. I had to quiet my heart, mind and body and look into God’s word and allow God to show me the lies I have been believing and wallowing in. I did not think I had this problem but it required sitting quiet with God and truly asking Him and then allowing Him to search me and show me.  The enemy is sneaky and He twists truth so it is easy to fall into deception. I didn’t think I was believing lies. You may not as well.

Here are a few of the lies I have been believing. There are more but those are between the Father, myself and a few trusted people to hold me accountable.

Lie #1 I am not as lovable if someone has to constantly take care of me.

Truth-The people who love me will be willing to care for me. My attitude can make that experience good and enjoyable or it can make it more difficult. I make that choice.

Lie#2 Your value is in all that you do to keep your home running and educating your children.

Truth: My value is great because I am created by the Living God who loves me and breathes life into me. I am valued because I am His creation and His son died for me to cleanse me of sin so I can be with Him forever. That sacrifice was not because of what I do or don’t do. It is not dependent on how well I manage my home or keep my house clean or home educate my kids. My value is not dependent on using my legs or arms or looking nice. I am valuable because the Creator of the Universe made me valuable and calls me His own. If I can’t do anything on my own I will still be valuable.

#3 You are a failure.

Truth: I like to have things perfect. I like to have things “just right” but I am not a failure because I am not perfect and I am not a failure because I mess up every.single.day. in one way, shape or another. Jesus is perfect. He is the only one and His grace is sufficient to uphold me. And His grace enables me to offer grace to other people.

Lie#4 Your life is dwindling away.

Truth: Though my body is fading daily, my spirit is being renewed day by day. (2 Corinthians 4:16) I can still thrive no matter what my outward circumstances because God is my strength. (Phil. 4:13) He is upholding me.

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In calling out the lies and replacing them with truth I  can feel the loving arms of God engulfing me and lovingly pulling me out of the blinding storm. He reminds me to hold on and hold onto hope. He will not let my pain go to waist.

I know His plans for me are for good and I can trust what He allows to be used for eternal purposes and I will continue to believe Him for miracles even when I cannot see the possibility of it before me.

The Father has been faithfully reminding me of the power of my thought life, the power that my mind has on my brain (look into Dr. Caroline Leaf if you want to know more on that) and the scriptural truth in guarding my thoughts well. Knowing the importance does not make it magically easy but it does remind me that  I CAN choose where I allow my thoughts to go.

“For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. ”  2 Cor. 10:4-5

“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2

And lastly, a treasure the Father gave me. It is speaking of Abraham. Abraham had received a promise from God that he would become the father of many nations and he was an old man and the promise had not come to fruition. His wife was old and past child bearing years but this is what scripture says.

Abraham “believed-the God who gives life to the dead and calls things that are not as though they were. Against all hope, Abraham believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, ‘So shall your offspring be.’ Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead– since he was about a hundred years old- and that Sarah’s womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.”  Romans 4:17-21

The reality is: I have an autoimmune illness that has attacked the protective layer of my nervous system and has caused major hindrances in signals getting from my brain to my body and my body to my brain. It is painful at times in a hundred different ways and it is inconvenient in a whole lot more. The disease could continue progressing and it could transition from Primary Progressive to Secondary Progressive and that feels scary BUT ….

Truth: I have a God that is bigger than any immune system and I believe He can heal me. I have also been told by three different people that God has told them I will be healed. I trust that no matter what timing that may be I will one day be healed. I believe He will strengthen me and heal the damage in areas of my brain and spine so I can continue doing what He has called me to do. I believe He will use this trial for good and I can have joy in the midst of the pain. As a matter of fact, I can know His faithfulness in the midst of this journey and I can continue trusting His love for me because nothing can separate me from His love. He is the God who gives life to the dead and calls things that are not as though they are so I choose to believe that He will speak life into my nervous system and restoration through my body.

The reality stares at me in the face but I do not walk by sight, I walk by faith. (2 Cor. 5:7).

What lies have you been believing about yourself or your loved ones? What deceptions of the enemy have kept you from moving forward and walking in victory?  Are you allowing your circumstances or what you “see” to dictate how you view life?  I encourage you to meditate on Hebrews 11:1 and all the verses shared in this post and pray and ask God to show you the lies that you may be believing so that you may be freer today than you were yesterday.

I am proud of you. You are loved and chosen by God.

 

 

Motherhood and Illness (Part 2)

Soak in the good days. It’s so easy to find the negative, the easy to complain about circumstances but choose to see the beauty and blessings today. Today is a grace day. A day to soak in the gifts of laughter, the gifts of a hug.

First thing in the morning, when my groggy self is confronted by my sweet children I choose to reach out and touch them. As explained in my last post, I am slow moving in the morning. I can also become a drill sergeant with the to do’s of the day but I have chosen to touch each of my children in a loving way each morning. “Good morning Son, how did you sleep last night?”, with a rub on the head or a squeeze hug.  To my little girl, I might tenderly move her hair from her face and pull her little body close to me to tell her good morning. This begins the day with my babies having their cup filled but it also helps me to keep the “right things” in focus. Loving my children is the greatest gift I can give them.

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I love touch. It is one of my love languages. But I do not enjoy it like I used to. My nerves do not send messages properly. So, while a child draws near or I draw them near for story time I may experience heaviness of my arms or legs, an ache that is heavy and painful. I have to adjust positions of how I sit or ask the children to change positions. I have to be honest with them that I want to sit close but my body is hurting the way we are sitting. I may have to ask them to hold the book or help me hold it depending on the size of the book and where we are sitting. The key with the kids is honesty. If I let them know I want to be near them but “let’s change how we are sitting because it is hurting me”, it helps them to know it is not their fault and that I want to be near them.

I have the same dilemma with my husband, who seems to naturally radiate warmth. I can only hold his hand so long before I have to release it and cool my hand. If we are sitting close to one another my legs feel like spiders are crawling up and down them. The Plexus Cleanse has helped me a lot. The magnesium in that calms my nerves but I still feel discomfort just from being close. I choose to be close still. I might get a cold pack or drink something cold to help calm the nerves so I can enjoy being near my loved ones.

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These discomforts, pain and irritations can easily become a focus but we have to choose to focus on the good. Although my hands are numb, I can still feel, so I thank God that I can feel. I thank God that I can cuddle and touch my children. I thank God with my children for all that I can do right now. When I could not walk well or barely exercise I spoke thanksgivings that I could move my foot and feel it move. When I got up on my own I thanked God that I could do that. When I agonizingly exercised for three minutes, I praised Him because I could. Choose thanksgiving and teach your children to praise God in the midst.

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Be honest with your limitations but choose to push against them. With chronic illness we can easily overdo ourselves so we must be wise but we also must choose the highest good. Choose to play that game with your kids. You might need to say, “Let mama take a nap first and then I will play that with you. Can  we make that a date? “.

Go outside with your kids and do what is within your limitations but soak in the fresh air, watch the butterflies and let them share their wonders with you. When your numbered days are over or your loved ones’ days are over, you won’t forget the time invested into loving them, choosing them, soaking in God’s creation with them. It will all be worth it in the end.

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I  know it is hard, my friend. It would be easier to wallow in pity for ourselves, hide away in our room and push everyone away but we do not need to lose heart. “Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day” 2 Corinthians 4:16  Soak in God’s love for you. Let Him renew your mind and heart.

Paul wrote to the Philippians, “If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me.”

Let’s choose that perspective. Let’s allow God to renew us inwardly day by day and live a fruitful life.

What are you struggling with today? Do you want to hide away?

Dear Friend, I am praying for you today.